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Someone recently asked if I thought gay men and lesbians could be friends. My initial thought was, "of course we can!" I mean, what difference does it make who you're friends with? For me, I spend time with like-minded people who I find interesting and their sexual orientation really doesn't matter. But for some gay men and lesbians, never the twain shall meet—save their town's gay pride parade, which ends up being a drunken love fest where pretty much anything goes and we don't talk about it the day after (what happens at Pride...).

I find it interesting that many gay men have close relationships with straight women (I know I have loads of straight ladies in my life, but also some great lesbians to boot) and someone just the other night was talking about introducing a lesbian to one of my friends who more or less said, "Really? Gay men and lesbians don't mix." Why is this? Why can't gays and lesbians hang? Is it because gay men are more hardwired to think or act like straight women so we can shop and gossip together? Is that even true? Sure, stereotypically it may ring true, just in the same way that some lesbians live up to the butch, tough persona like a straight dude. But do lesbians and straight guys bro down?

Time Out Chicago created a chart that ran down different types of interpersonal relationships and they, too, say gays and lesbians really don't mesh: "From sexual attractions to fashion sense, no two groups of people have ever been more irrelevant to one another." You would think that we should have a lot more in common, but it seems that we don't.

Many of us gay boys have our hags or our Grace (even if you don't associate with Will, you know you have one of your own), but not all gay men even like to hang with women, straight or gay. Some like to keep to our own kind. Is it a comfort level or does the idea of spending any time at all with a woman just repulse some gay guys? I love my girlfriends (and my straight boys, too) and I couldn't imagine not having a bunch of different people in my life. There's a comfort in diversity; too much of any one group would drive me nuts.

Back to the original question: Can gay men and lesbians just kick back and relax? In my hometown, there are loads of gay bars where you hardly ever see lesbians. And the handful of lesbian bars are virtually gay free. It seems silly -- can someone please explain why we can't all just get along?
Ari Bendersky Ari Bendersky – Wed Apr 29, 9:42 pm ET

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